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It's all about jokes, funny pics...

Crivens

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Staff member
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You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When . . .
  1. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
  2. You ski uphill.
  3. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
  4. You speed walk in your sleep.
  5. You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
  6. You answer the door before people knock.
  7. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
  8. You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
  9. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
  10. You sleep with your eyes open.
  11. You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
  12. The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
  13. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
  14. You lick your coffeepot clean.
  15. You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
  16. You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
  17. You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
  18. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
  19. You chew on other people's fingernails.
  20. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
  21. Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's coffee."
  22. Your so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
  23. You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
  24. You can jump-start your car without cables.
  25. Cocaine is a downer.
  26. All your kids are named "Joe."
  27. You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.
  28. Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
  29. You don't sweat, you percolate.
  30. You buy milk by the barrel.
  31. You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
  32. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
  33. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
  34. You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
  35. Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
  36. You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
  37. People get dizzy just watching you.
  38. When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty-three more, I'll have a cup."
  39. You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
  40. The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
  41. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
  42. Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
  43. You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.
  44. People can test their batteries in your ears.
  45. Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
  46. Instant coffee takes too long.
  47. You channel surf faster without a remote.
  48. When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
  49. You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can
  50. You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
  51. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil
  52. You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
  53. You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
  54. You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
  55. You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
  56. You get drunk just so you can sober up.
  57. You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
  58. Your Thermos is on wheels.
  59. Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
  60. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
  61. You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
  62. You short out motion detectors.
  63. You have a conniption over spilled milk.
  64. You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
  65. Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
  66. You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
  67. You don't tan, you roast.
  68. You don't get mad, you get steamed.
  69. Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before and coffee after.
  70. Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to get you in the mood.
  71. You can't even remember your second cup.
  72. You help your dog chase its tail.
  73. You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
  74. Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
  75. You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
  76. You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
  77. Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup
 

ralphbsz

Aspiring Daemon

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Messages: 952

I participated to an Ekiden this Weekend and here are the results. If we had known about our fifth relay runner's talents, we would have told him to run 10km instead.
True story: A few years ago, our son started high school (in the US, that's in 9th grade). For a sport, he wanted to do soccer (and ended up doing that, rather well), so he put his name and student ID number on the list for soccer. But just in case something happened, he also put himself on the list of students with an interest in track and field (in other languages that's called "light athletics", like running and jumping). When he was accepted into the soccer team, he gave up on track and field. One of the reasons for him being accepted is that he is actually a pretty fast runner (good for a forward), and very good at reacting and jumping (which is why he ended up as goalkeeper).

But for some reason, his student ID number was still on the list for track and field. He never went to practices, and he never went to any competitions. And then at some competition, his student ID number was entered by mistake after a 200m run, and because he was on the list, it was not rejected. He quickly found out when the other students congratulated him on his great result. A few weeks later, we by coincidence looked at the web site with sports results, and he was the second faster 200m runner in the history of the high school! Even though he had never run that distance seriously, and never participated in a competition. So he went to the coach, and said that this must be some sort of mistake. But the coach said that they have no record of who really ran that time (since the records are kept by computer), and invalidating it now after many weeks would cause serious trouble (for example the standing of the school track and field team in comparison to other schools would change), and it would be a lot of work to change, therefore it's best to just leave it alone. So our son officially remains the 2nd fastest student at his high school on the 200m run, without every having run that distance. He is not at all proud of that.
 

ShelLuser

Daemon

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Messages: 2,329

<snip>how to build a horse</snip>
Sorry, I had to :D We're in offtopic (I honestly double checked) so.. ehm.

You Sir are evil. It was a fine Saturday evening when I went through your post after having downed a few beers. I am still laughing even though I knew all the jokes already. I am a vivid Java programmer. Not an expert one! But I use the language quite often because it's my favorite. And oh my word, did this hit the hammer on the nail ( :D ).

Thanks for sharing this!
 

ralphbsz

Aspiring Daemon

Thanks: 507
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Messages: 952

The Python one is really funny. That's often been my experience with Python libraries: You want something done, like parse content out of badly formatted HTML pages, or display graphs, hook to a Modbus device. You can find pretty good libraries, but they typically get you 100% to a place that's not exactly your goal but pretty close.
 

Crivens

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Maxnix: "... and that's when I shot him, your honor."
 

Maxnix

Well-Known Member

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Crivens

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Let me show you where the FreeBSD foundation has just been offered free office space!

Edit: note the date.
 

Maxnix

Well-Known Member

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