Norm's kind words would have fallen flat on me.
If you have to lay and hand on a child, or an animal, you have lost the fight.
That girl I talk about sometime abused a little Jack Terrier because he had a personality and you had to work with him. I dominated him once by turning him over on his back, rubbing his stomach while I held him down and told him I was the Boss. I would never have had to do more than look at him to get my point across and he was a good little dog.
I'm under a tremendous amount of pressure, but that's life. You either buckle under the strain or learn to live with it. You would not believe the HellI put HUD through on a regular basis and I'm going to win or die trying. It's a hard life and I've become hard to survive it. All my friends are long deal and people all around me are dying but I continue on against the odds.
I know what lies at the end of my journey, I've already made plans and measure time between now an then. The only difference is if I win my case is where I'll go, and I don't count on anything at this point.
I will come to a point in 2-3 years, maybe, where I'll have no choice but to voluntarily have myself commited to a State Institution and that's where I'll spend the rest of my life. I will have come a karmic full circle and end up back where I was created, and there will be some mean mf like me waiting for me when I get there.
That's my only viable option beside jail and hopefully I'll feel on familiar ground and at home there.
