I know I work in a manipulative environment,
I don't know how tough you think you are, but any manipulative environment (marriage, partnership, friendship, family, job)
will have serious consequences on your psychic sanity if you stay for too long.
You will suffer of serious problems you may need
years of professional therapy to get them solved - if ever: losing trust in other people, become unfit for any kind of relationship - not "only" losing friends, endanger your marriage/partnership, but become incapable to new ones, become even incapable to work, maybe for the rest of your live no matter how old or young you are - isolating, drug abuse, binge eating, loss of self control, uncontrollable aggression, deep depression, even suicide...- the list is long. Very long. Anyway: bad. very bad.
Especially when you say:
but this feels a bit extreme.
As long as you have a chance to get another job, get the hell out of there before it's too late!
I once was in a similar situation. The job environment was making me sick. I had to leave before I had another job. Not good. But this can happen if you wait too long. Or even worse getting into a hospital. Better not.
If you face the situation you're actually ready to exit the environment, have a real opportunity to change the employer, just sign a contract and leave, but you watch yourself refusing, or being catched again, convinced not to leave, maybe you fall for "the song of the dying swan" (again [tears
can lie]), then you already are in serious trouble.
Because
A) It's very likely you are in a real abusivley manipulative environment.
There are not only men abusing women sexually. There are many forms of abuse. There are also bosses abusing their position to abuse employees for their own personal sick reasons.
Don't you ever even mention that! Never, ever, under no circumstances! You will gain absolutely nothing but unleash hell, only!
The whole point of abusing "games" is: You search for solutions believe in reasoning. That's already the mistake exactly. The abuser is not looking for any solution. He/she is not reasoning. In contrary he/she wants to have unsolved things, so the game continues.
If you reason, you lose, because your opponent is not reasonable. So you also not reason. You lose again, because your opponent accuses you of not being reasonable. So you refuse to discuss, because you learned it's useless anyway. Then you're accused to refuse communication, and being tricked into discussions again anyway, which you lose again. You lose. Anyway, always and everytime. That is the whole point of the "game". Don't look for reasonable reasons. Don't try to explain by reasonable reasons. There are non. Such is not a reasonable working environment. That's a psychopath's trap.
It's not about work. It's about having fun over your efforts, your suffering. It's the three older bullies stole your skicap on the schoolyard, being amused about how cool they are, and how weak and stupid you are - because you have not the slightest chance against them. Yes, exactly. That's childish. That's low. That's pitiful. But some people never grow. And if such an already mentally small bully comes in the body of an adult, that can become real psychopathic. As a real adult you simply don't get it, because you expect any adult to react as an adult - especially when it's your boss. You reason.
So he/she may either puts you on impossible tasks in the first place, or torpedos your work, so you will not succeed, or will tell you afterwards, that it was no (real) success, at least not because of you. Such things have nothing to do neither with reason, nor work. It's sick. And it's not your job to response, nor correct nor 'heal' this, 'cause you cannot do a thing but leave such an environment as quickly as possible.
Your believe in this may, will, have to change some day by just reasoning enough, prove your qualities, deliver enough evidence is you're reasoning again. That's the carrot on a stick. That's the game exactly: They have fun watching you suffering, how stupid you are trying desperately to catch this carrot you will never reach, so stupid still keep trying the impossible, not learning this will never happen. Explanations like people trusting each other, not to give up hope, believe in something good is in anybody makes them laugh even more. That's not even far away for such, that ain't part of their universe. Absolutely unthinkable. Division through zero - not defined. So don't even try to reason with such points again. Don't reason!
He/she is very skillful and tricky, so it will all sound absolut convincing, sometimes even more reasonable as what you bring to the table. After a while you find out it's not - when it's loo late. Decisions were made. Consequences happened. Again and again you ran into situation you knew by the start it was wrong. And everytime you think you convince them by proven facts obviously produced you were right and they were wrong. You reason again. It's useless. And of course it's always your fault. That's the whole point. His/her point is not to solve, achieve, accomplish anything. All he/she wants is to prove you
always wrong. With all fair and unfair tricks, like breaking even own rules, bending them, denial, gaslighting and other things. You have absolutely no chance whatsoever whatever you try. So points, facts, evidence are worthless. What you say is wrong. What you do is wrong. You are wrong. And after a while you start to believe it yourself. Doubt your knowledge. Doubt your memory. Doubt your experience. Doubt your perception. Doubt yourself. Doubt everything. That's bad. Very bad. First it breaks you, then it kills you. Slowly, quiet, and almost unrecognized. First your spirit. Then your heart. Then your soul. And finally your body.
And of course it's your own fault, again: Why didn't you leave? Why did you come in the first place?
...
You cannot change anything about that. Just leave it.
You need to get out of such environments as quickly as possible!
B) You already are addicted to this cycle of destruction. You cannot leave anymore by your own will.
Search help. E.g. by a professional therapist (emotional abuse and narcissism could be key words you may start looking for)
Anyway you need regular real life personal contact for any real help to be useful. Any internet forum or social media may support but simply cannot provide the help as real personal contact.
From the bottom of my heart:
I wish you all the best, buddy.
Be strong! Be yourself! Get the hell out of there!
